Your history is working for you, not against you

It’s 11:11a, who else sees numbers repeatedly?

I think these are God’s little winks, letting us know He is with us. I do not believe in coincidences, the fact that it is 11:11, a number that has had major significance in my life, just as I begin to write my final thought, warms my heart. I give God a wink back, a couple finger pistols, and a quick click of the tongue to let Him know “I see You”. 

I am in the process of writing a book, I’ve thought about doing this for years and finally jumped in. I have had to wrestle with a lot of fear and imposter syndrome to get this project started. As of right now, I have them both pinned down to the ground and am dominating, however, from time to time those sneaky little bastards get the better of me and before I know it, I am the one being pinned down. It is a constant battle in which I have to muster up courage and strength to get the upper hand. I have accepted this as part of the process and refuse to let it stop me. 

Although I was totally expecting some feelings to come up for me while writing this book, I expected them to be ones that I think about from time to time. I was surprised to find some old relics buried deep in my psyche. I feel like Indiana Jones, digging up old skeletons, dusting them off, and trying to piece them all together. The goal is to come out the other side, like Dr Jones, alive, in tact, and with history to be shared. 

I recently heard someone talking about God’s purpose versus God’s plan. As a Christian woman I tend to think of everything being part of God’s plan but I often struggled with my mother’s death being part of “the plan”. Now, with this helpful insight, I’ve realized that my mother’s accident was not God’s doing…it was man’s doing, but God is using that tragedy in my life to help guide me to my purpose. Without that horrible tragedy I would not be who I am today…God is helping me use that tragedy to create something beautiful. 

We have all experienced some sort of tragedy in our lives, whether it be death, disease, divorce, disaster, depression, destituteness (wow, lot’s of tragedy starting with “D”)…every person in the world will at one time or another experience tragedy…some people will experience many. It’s been said these things either make you “bitter or better” which I think depends on faith…knowing God will prevail. When I finally stopped trying to control everything and I just handed it over to God, my whole life changed. Truth be told I am skipping over a huge area here where I chose to hand it over to “the universe” because the word “God” made me sick…you will have to buy the book to learn how I overcame that doozy 😉

Your history is working for you, not against you…we have to get out of our own way, reconcile our shame, and use all we have learned from it to teach those around us. This is us working along with God, being an active participant, in His purpose for us. 

I pray my book helps others look at the tragedy and darkness of their past in order to gain new perspective and use their pain as a tool. I pray YOU are able to use your past, your tragedy, your pain as a tool to help you construct the vision God has placed in your heart.