Visceral versus visual

I know I am not alone in feeling like I lost my way last year. 2020 was like walking through a dense fog with zero visibility. I don’t think it was a total bust though. There was some really great stuff that came out of 2020. For me, given the time and space during the shut down I was able to heal my relationship with God…I didn’t even know I had a relationship with God, let alone one that needed healing

I went into 2020 thinking it was going to be the best year ever because 20/20 was symbolic of perfect vision…clarity! Turns out, I was right…just not in the way I would have imagined. My vision came viscerally rather than visually. I felt my way through 2020 and truth be told it gave more clarity than my sight ever has. I don’t have to see or hear something to know it’s real, in fact, the things that I can see/hear are generally the things I can’t truly believe. I had this huge a-ha moment recently that seemed so obvious I had to laugh at myself.

Thoughts and feelings are 2 completely different things.

How in the actual hell did it take me 44 years to realize this? I have been spending so much time trying to develop a language for feelings that I have only gotten further from helping understand them. Now, that does not mean that I am going to stop sharing my thoughts…I mean come on, I wouldn’t even know how to do that! I am just going to make sure I am not trying to attach meaning (which is essentially a thought) to every single feeling I have. There is no way to accurately communicate them through words. I believe this is why art and symbolism exist…that is how to communicate feelings. It’s interpretation!

I say thank you 2020 for the hell you put us through…the hell we had to claw our way out of. This made us stronger. Truth be told, I have a lot more “clawing my way out” to do. Although I have incredible clarity as to purpose and meaning…I have a long way to go as far as implementing it into a sustainable way of life.