Treasure Hunting

Every single day I hear, see, or experience something that opens my eyes to the human experience.  I think this has always happened…my entire life…but I didn’t know what it was when I was younger.  It’s like when you are riding in the car through an area that you’ve never been and things are moving so quickly that you don’t really see anything.  But when someone says “hey, check out that (fill in the blank) over there” suddenly, you are able to focus on something so clearly and have some sort of emotional response.


The deeper and deeper I am able to travel within, the more answers I get…which then just leads to more questions.  Amazing though, how the answer appears somehow…the universe…or god…or a higher power always seems to deliver.  I am able to sit with it for a short period and have these deep feelings of peace only to inevitably lead to more questions…and there I go…off to hunt for more answers.  The hunt really looks like nothing more than just soaking it all in.  I have found the harder and harder I “try” to find these answers the harder they become to unveil.  What a paradox.  This is not easy for me.  To just sit and soak it in…that is the way harder than trying to dig and dig and dig for answers.  


This quarantine has opened my eyes even wider.  The treasures I have unearthed over this 5 week period are amazing.  I feel like I have gotten to know myself a better.  I have had little movies play in my mind of times in my life that I had forgotten about…or so I thought.  The pain, shame, rejection, suffering, and loss have never been forgotten but the origin, which now that I think about…I probably didn’t realize at the time.  All of these things I have always struggled with are beginning to really have a light shown on them.  


It has been through reading, talking, listening, and sharing that I was able to figure out where the shadows were that needed that light shown.  This has served as a beautiful reminder of why Intentionally Lola was started in the first place.  I become more and more human when I realize that I am not the only one experiencing these feelings.  I am able to let some of the tension out of my shoulders, release some of the weight off my chest, and breathe deeper because I know I’m not alone in these feelings.  I am also able to extend grace quicker onto those who are showing themselves in a way I don’t quite understand.   They are experiencing the same feelings I am maybe just with different thoughts and experiences creating  them.  They too are walking around with that tension in their shoulders, weight on their chest, and shallow breathing,  The movies in their minds eye just look different from mine.  They feel the same though.  


When we are able to share stories and have someone feel like their movie and your movie are relatable…something magical happens.  A sense of belonging…a feeling of confirmation comes over you.  A feeling of demons losing their grip on you.  You rejoice…not because it was easy and without it’s failures…but because you came out alive.   


I mention mastering the human experience a lot.  I think it is often taken out of context.  To master something does not mean to perfect something it is actually defined as “to be eminently skilled in something, as an occupation, art, or science”.  Bruce Lee was a Kung Fu master…that doesn’t mean he never made a mistake at it.  Michael Jordan was a master in Basketball…he certainly missed shots.  Vidal Sassoon was a master in hairdressing…he made wrong cuts for sure.  To master something simply means to continuously practice something.  To lean into it deeply.  To learn all the different sides of it.  For me, mastering the human experience is living a life that is deep and meaningful…TO ME!  To feel like all of my decisions were made in very deep expanses of love.  Not everyone will agree…some will question my motives…but I will live within a deep sense of harmony.  I do what I know is right no matter how it could potentially be received.  Presenting myself authentically, intentionally, from love.


If you connect to these words please let me know.  Help me identity my tribe…help me feel less alone.  Give me the boost in confidence that comes from connection.  I love you!!