Imposter syndrome: a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success
This is my biggest struggle.
On October 11, 2015, I had the most powerful breakthrough moment of my life. Weeks before my 39th birthday I realized I was about to turn the same age my mother was when she was killed in a tragic car accident. 1 second I was a healthy, thriving young woman, the next second I felt like I was suddenly facing my own mortality and living on borrowed time. I vowed to live an intentional life…a life where every decision I made came from a place of purpose and meaning. I asked myself, “If I knew today would be my last, what would I regret?”. That question helped me analyze what I need to change and what I need to strengthen.
Fast forward 7 years, I look in the rearview mirror of my life and have to smile. When you look ahead you see how far you still have to go, but an occasional glimpse behind you helps you see how far you’ve come. I am so proud of the life God and I have created together. Today I ask that same question, “If I knew today would be my last, what would I regret?” I can honestly say…NOTHING! If the Lord felt today was my final day here on earth, I would die in peace. What a gift!!!
Ironically, what I am so proud of and what haunts me are one and the same.
God has placed in my heart the burning desire to write a book. Imposter syndrome makes this life I am so proud of feel inadequate. I have to remind myself every single day…sometimes multiple times a day, to not allow myself to get distracted by the “societal norms” that I am comparing my journey to. The message society tends to spread is you must live a visually grandiose life to be considered a success…filled with tangible items…big homes, fancy cars, designer clothes, millions of followers, luxury vacations, etc. The life I am being called to live is driven by the unseen. A life of impact starting in my immediate circle, planting a seed that can cultivate and grow…spreading like wildflowers!
So, here I go…time to face my biggest obstacle…myself.
I pray that we can all get out of our own way….Lord please, overflow the hearts of everyone reading this with the Holy Spirit…allow that overflow to water the seeds of those around us. Help us all to grow together…bathed in Your light…rooted in healthy, rich soil.