Today I found myself in the middle of some strong emotional turmoil. This came from a situation involving another person. Because this story is not 100% mine I won’t share the details. What I do want to share though is how I worked through it, peacefully.
Before I really go into it I want to begin by saying this shelter in place has given me an opportunity to really get to know myself. One thing I have learned about myself is that when I get mad I close up immediately! I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to be touched, I just want to be left alone. Now, notice I said I don’t want to talk…that doesn’t mean I don’t want to scream and fight…I do, but I know that will not help! I have always been this way but having space and leaning even deeper into intentional living made me recognize it.
So, I’m pissed off…I immediately realize I need to be alone so I went for a ride. I drove around admiring some really beautiful landscape…taking in nature. My intuition is telling me that the best therapy I could give myself is to journal. I found a state park and parked myself in front of the beach. I busted out my journal and just started writing what I was so angry about. I knew what I was angry about so identifying the problem or the source was easy! I immediately thought about one of my strongest beliefs. No one can make me feel any particular way. Someone can do something…and I can feel a certain way about it but I can’t blame that person for triggering those feelings. That person or that persons actions did not make me feel that way. My thoughts about that person or that persons actions made me feel that way! So I began making a list of the emotions I was feeling…annoyed, embarrassed, frustrated, angry, disappointed, sad. I had to sit quietly and feel the feelings before I could name them. This took a few minutes. Once I felt like I had identified all of those feelings I broke it down word by word and wrote down why I was feeling that feeling. Annoyed…I’m annoyed because ____________________________…..embarrassed…I’m embarrassed because _________________…etc.
When I was finished I knew immediately that I had to share this strategy with you. Is the problem solved? No, absolutely not…however, I now have some clarity. I feel calm. I feel like I could have a conversation with this person without pointing fingers and saying you did this…you did that…I won’t make snide, sarcastic, shaming remarks just to make that person feel as badly as I feel. Never once has that ended well. However, without this strategy that may have been where I went…that is always my very first gut reaction…You hurt me…fuck you…I’m going to hurt you right back. Through a TON of personal growth I have identified this as my knee jerk reaction so before I say a word I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and shut my damn mouth. Not to say I don’t slip up every now and again…my husband unfortunately knows that I have not perfected this method. I may never perfect it but I get a hell of a lot closer every damn day so as far as I’m concerned it’s a win.
These methods are my tools to mastering the human experience. When I learn something and practice it for myself it immediately becomes my responsibility to share it. As a child of God it is my duty to pass on this information. To give my fellow man the tools I have found helpful in navigating through life….life is hard…but in the wise words from the beautiful soul of Glennon Doyle…We can do hard things!!
If you have found this helpful please share it with me and with your friends and family. We have to spread this…we cannot keep it for ourselves.