During a recent bible study I was asked the question “On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (perfectly), how well do you think you know God? How well do you think you know yourself?”
I LOVED THIS QUESTION!
I was able to almost quantify my spiritual and personal growth.
6 years ago I would rate myself at a 1…even less, if that were an option. Today I would rate myself a 6.5. Although I still have a lot of growing to do (let’s be honest, the growth never stops) knowing how far I have come in such a short period of time makes me feel unstoppable.
6 years is less than 17% of my life…meaning I had lived 73% of my life lost and alone. I say that because I want you to know it’s never too late. Even if I was only able to live 1% of my life in the heavenly realm I am experiencing right now it would be so much better than to never experience it at all. Whether you’re 13, 30, 70, or 100…even 1 day of this would be worth the discomfort of change I PROMISE!
IT’S SOOOOO HARD SOMETIMES…BUT IT IS SOOOOOOO WORTH IT!
Here is the kicker…had I been presented that same question 6 years ago I would have answered “there is no God and I know myself 100%…pssshhhh…what a joke. I am only able to rate my old self as a 1 now because my eyes are wide opened.
You don’t know what you don’t know. Had it not been for my breakthrough moment I would still be living my old life, which at the time, I thought was fine (fine=the worst 4 letter word in the English language. It’s the purgatory of the human experience)… I made a great living, had a family, big house, cars, vacations…you name it…but I was hollow inside.
My breakthrough happened 6 years ago, when I came eye to eye with my mortality. I was 39 and healthy but realized I was the same age my Mother was when she was killed in a car accident. I looked at my life and realized this was all the life my Mother ever lived.
I took a stand that day…I decided if my days were numbered (which all of our days are) I was going to make the best out of each and every one I had…everything I did would be on purpose. I would do things not because that was what I was supposed to do (societal influences) or because that was what was expected of me (from others) but because it was what I (God) truly wanted to do.
This shift made me realize how much I love quiet. I sought out silence whenever possible. THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING! Giving myself time and space became a non-negotiable. It is just as important as food and water for my survival.
This time and space allowed me to feel things I hadn’t felt before because I was too distracted. My inquisitive nature made me dive into these feelings and try to find the origin.
It was through fellowship I was able to identify the source of my hollowness. Having a safe space where 2 people (I don’t do big groups…fellowship to me is 3 people tops, all aligned in values and morals) were able to speak openly…no censorship…no judgement…simply love, acceptance, and a willingness to help one another.
This safe space allowed me to recognize certain feelings/triggers when in conversation. Whenever I felt any kind of negative feeling I would note it and explore it.
Exploration came in the form of journaling. Listening to other peoples’ stories in podcasts, books, or fellowship allowed me to notice my feelings when I heard something I could relate to.
Stories gave me more identifying language which then led me to more resources.
Every answer I get leads me to a million more questions. This is the journey and I am loving every single step. Remember, love can hurt sometimes. I don’t want to make it seem like it’s all sunshine and rainbows but I will tell you it is worth every excruciating moment.
Every day we are faced with challenges. Some minor…some major. We have survived every one of those challenges thus far. Each challenge has taught us something. We get better as a result of them.
I share my story in hopes that what I’ve learned and what has impacted me will do the same for you or for someone close to you.
God has blessed my hands to give others the added confidence that comes from looking (hair and beauty) and feeling (soul searching and mending through written word) your very best.
I love you!